My Story - Preterm Birth and NICU StaysMust Be Part of Childbirth Education
My daughter, Vanessa, was born at 36 weeks and 6 days. She was born in that nebulous late phase preterm, 3 hours and 57 minutes shy of 37 weeks gestation, the “age of viability” and what clinicians consider term.
When V was born, she did not cry right away, and they rushed her over to the warming table and began tapping on her little chest as they quickly cleaned her up. Shortly thereafter, she cried, but there was some fluid in her lungs, so she was immediately taken to the neonatal nursery. They whisked her under my nose like smelling salts, and off she went.
Vanessa’s birth was traumatic for both of us. I hemorrhaged shortly after her cesarean delivery, and we both struggled until the next morning. Yet, throughout the night, in and out of coherence, I kept asking, “Where is my baby?” I had been told that they put the baby on your chest when it’s born. My baby went immediately to the warming table. They kept telling me that she’d be right back–first in the operating room, then in recovery, and finally in my postpartum room. Nothing. No baby, no explanation. I gave birth to my baby at 8:03 pm and at 2 am, still in excruciating pain; I had not held my baby, and she was not in my room. At 8 a.m. the next day, the neonatologist came in and told me the devastating news: my daughter was having trouble breathing, and they wanted to more closely monitor her, so they were taking her to the neonatal ICU. I began to bawl. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be! I was supposed to be holding my baby. She was supposed to be rooming in with me, not 7 floors up above me. On her way to the NICU, they brought my daughter into my room, and I held her for the first time 12 hours after I had given birth to her. Then she was taken from me, and I didn’t see her again until 3 pm that afternoon.
So much of my fear, anger, and frustration could have been mitigated had I been prepared. It’s in no one’s plan to have their newborn end up in the NICU, but it must be discussed during prenatal visits. I think that many obstetricians avoid talking about preterm labor, premature birth, and premature infant care as if, to speak, it will somehow bring it into reality. But I can say that as a parent, I would have preferred to have had the discussion before experiencing the crisis without warning. To have been so ill-prepared, to have never even contemplated the possibility of a premature birth and NICU stay, left me with an overwhelming feeling of devastation, failure, and uselessness. I was her mama, and yet everyone else, it seemed, was caring for my baby but me!
When I finally got to the NICU in the afternoon, my bracelet was checked to be sure that I was, in fact, my daughter’s mother. Then, I was shown how to “scrub in” so that I did not expose my little baby (or the other babies in the unit) to extraneous germs. I was then led over to a little warming bed upon which my daughter was peacefully sleeping. Immediately, I reached for her, picked her up, and all kinds of bells and whistles went off. I stood there dumbfounded, like a deer in headlights. I was terrified but ready to fight anyone who insisted that I hand over my baby. Thankfully, a nurse came over to the little bed, reset the machines, gave me a blanket to wrap around my daughter, and helped me position the wires so that we didn’t set off the alarms. And for the next 10 days, I spent most of my days in that unit with my daughter.
My daughter was only in the NICU for 10 days, but they were 10 of the most stressful days of my life. I was completely unprepared for any stay in the NICU. It was never mentioned as a potential outcome at any time during my prenatal care. My OB had talked extensively about me going on bed rest. Yet, each time we prepared for bed rest, my condition improved, and we went for another few weeks. Not once during that time did she mention that my daughter could be born at any time and, as such, would very likely end up in the NICU. I had no idea where the NICU even was in the hospital where I delivered! I had been exposed to NICUs in my physician assistant training, but the experience was completely different as a parent, and no parent should be as unprepared as I was. I didn’t know what to expect or what questions to ask. I didn’t know about all the wires and alarms. I was unprepared to see the tiniest of infants fighting for their lives. I was unprepared for the angst that I felt being separated from my daughter. I was unprepared for the feeling of utter failure that I felt for my less-than-perfect labor and delivery and how it resulted in my little baby being “alone and away from me” in the NICU. It was all overwhelming and terribly upsetting at a time when I should have been enjoying being a new mom. unprepared as my daughter’s father and I were. It is this very experience that led me to my work in Maternal and Child Health, doula and community health worker work, and now training Perinatal Community Health Workers.
Prematurity is no easy road. My daughter is all grown up and a fashion major in college. She has asthma but seems to have little other residual effects from her preterm birth. I know that this is not the case for so many other families, and for that, I am grateful.
Preterm labor, preterm birth, and the care of the premature infant must be taught to ALL expecting parents, and the Perinatal Community Health Workers (PCHWs) that I train all review this information with the families that they support and serve throughout the pregnancy, and as needed postpartum.
